Title: With Care
Author: Bonster (e-mail some feedback)
Rating: T
Pairings: Xandrew
Summary: Xander and Andrew have been together for several months, and now they take another step in growing closer.
Spoilers: Up to Chosen.
Author's Notes: All mistakes are totally my lamebrain own.
Disclaimer: This is strictly non-profit fan work.

Xander doesn’t flinch when Andrew asks to touch the scars that ring his left eye. The two touch everywhere else, whether in the heat of passion or in the calm of sitting next to one another. It’s only fair that Andrew wants Xander to relinquish his hold on every last bit of his skin.

Xander thinks he’s ready for this to happen, even though he can’t bring himself to run his own fingers across and around it. The scars and the shadow are almost too much to look at, let alone try to note their texture, curvature, or width. There’s mixes of reds, purples, and blues splintering in all directions: that’s all Xander really needs to know. Not the fact that he’s missing an eye. Not the fact that he has no depth perception. And especially not the fact that because of it, he now works at a place where he’s stuck behind a desk where he coordinates phone conferences and doesn’t know anyone.

Shifting slightly against the cushions of his easy chair, Xander watches as Andrew kneels before him. Swallowing his own nervousness away, Xander smiles at the other’s twisting shoulders and fidgeting hands. Hiding anxiety has never been one of Andrew’s strong points. Xander leans forward and presses a reassuring kiss to Andrew’s pursed lips. Pulling back, Xander grins, and Andrew relaxes, emotions seeming to be restored to a set course. Seeing that those blue eyes are still asking permission, even with the kiss of reassurance, Xander nods his head and closes his right eye.

Sitting here now, the change over the past several months seems more unreal, like some sort of epic movie he’d watch after having a long night, back when patrolling the streets for vampires and other oogly-booglies was necessary. Their relationship always surprises him. Not the actual being together, but the influences of living and loving someone like Andrew. Xander remembers Anya’s impact on his life, and realizes he always, without knowing it, compares Andrew to her. Anya would have felt the hole where his eye used to be in a matter of weeks, possibly days. But Andrew. Andrew needs to make things happen at perfect moments, and stubbornly doesn’t let it happen any other way--but neither does Xander. Xander thinks it’s part of what makes them so well-suited.

During the quiet moments, the sincerity that his former-foe-turned-lover demonstrates always sends a tendril of warmth and tenderness weaving through his entire system. Xander knows how close he and Andrew are, and every day thanks various deities for saving the blue-eyed man from the Bringers’ knives.

Andrew’s breath falls across his face, and brings him rushing back to the moment. They’ve been intimate, and so caresses are nothing new. But none of those times compares to the intensity of what is happening right now.

Xander feels something float across his left cheek, what he thinks is maybe Andrew‘s hand, but he’s not sure since nerves around the eye are slightly damaged. The only thing he’s able to discern fully is the orange-tinged darkness he sees with his good eye closed. When he feels the whisper of Andrew’s sleeve brush across his lips, Xander becomes completely aware of the fingers gently prodding above his cheek. He swallows reflexively. He’s still timid about this, even after telling himself not to be. He thinks about asking Andrew to stop, not to lie his fingertips against something that, although mostly healed, is still an open wound, a scarred hollowness that that holds nothing and draws in nothing, and so amounts to nothing...

Then Andrew has him in a hug, and Xander’s arms fly open in surprise. He feels a wetness on his shoulder, and squeezes the man who’s holding so tightly to him.

“I love you,” Andrew murmurs, passionate and low.

Xander runs his fingers through the blonde’s hair, emotions arresting his throat. He turns Andrew to face him, kisses him hard, and voice muted and tight, says "I love you, too."

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